Please Don’t Make Me A Hashtag 😢😠😧

So many emotions going through my heart, body and soul….

-I have never utilized my right to bear arms…I think now is the time.

-How do I continue to trust after being betrayed by those I tusted?

-Will those who love me, who aren’t black, support me if I unfortunately have to experience this type of loss in this manner?

-Why do people who look like me continue to die as though it is a sport?

-Will I or someone I know be next?

-Will this blog begin to soothe my son and my loved ones if something happens to me?

-What if that was my son crying for his his father on national tv?

-What if Trump becomes president? Will I have to fight to keep what “freedoms” I have?

-Am I actively writing my obituary through this blog?

-Dear God, I don’t want to be a hashtag.

-I dont want my son to see my death over and over on TV for the images to be seared into his memory for the remainder of his existence.

-How can I help my son live a “normal life” without sheltering him to keep him safe?

-I feel like I am doing my part in this chaos, but maybe I am not doing enough.

This is a jumbled mess. It is the jumbled mess that is beginning to keep me from sleeping at night. This is a moment where I have to mentally and physically be strong daily.

For me, stepping outside my door is becoming very overwhelming. It is so scary that my heart races and I become dizzy and sick to my stomach even within the walls of my home. It races not knowing what is next. I mean, I say I am prepared to die, but the truth is I DON’T WANT TO DIE JUST YET!

Suddenly, NOTHING is funny. This is real life. This is my real life. This is our reality.

I couldn’t bring myself to speak on my story this week. Stay prayed up and get your house in order, spiritually speaking. Keep me in your prayers. See you next week.

Be Strong, Be You.

#blacklivesmatter #mylifematters #mysonslifematters #anxietysucks

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